I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
