I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
