Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
you had me at cake vodka
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
