btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
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