just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i think i scared a bird with my dick
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
