That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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