it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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