I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
