Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
