and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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