Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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