YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
