Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
