i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
