I hate your face
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
