Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
