My first STD was from a foam party
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
