wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Panties = found
Randomize
