Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
