Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
