K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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