I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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