Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
