it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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