i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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