Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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