we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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