I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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