I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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