12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
