take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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