why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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