There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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