just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
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They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
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ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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