you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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