i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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