just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
