I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
