I wanna bring you to show and tell
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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