there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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