Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
