My liver just broke up with me...
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
