Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
