Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
