Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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