Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
