fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
