He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
