My nipple is on Facebook.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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