I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
