I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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