so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
