I am spending my child support on dildos
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Are we still banned from the library?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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