What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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