i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
