He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
