We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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