my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
