# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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