She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
