Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
