even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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