i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
