I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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