i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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