Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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