So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
