Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
