Is it because I queefed?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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