"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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