Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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