i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
