I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
