guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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